Long and winding roads

Serpentine roads are plentiful in Montenegro. It's a great experience. You can stop on your way to enjoy scenic breathtaking views. However, if your idea of good time in the sea is to be seasick and occasionally join those who puke into paper bags on the deck, take my advice and don't rent a car. Take a bus, close your eyes, listen to music, and doze off. When they wake you up, all will be behind you. You will be all smiles and will have difficulty trying to understand why some bus passengers look so pale. Ignorance is bliss!

Then again, if of all amusements in the amusement park your favorite is the roller coaster, go for it! Rent a car and travel all around the country. It will take you two to three days. If you tend to faint easily, more. To make hairpin curves more scary, now and then road maintenance crews either don't mount any barrier, or fence, on the edge of an abyss, or just take fences away. This public service is tax free.

I can provide only photos of those mountain roads that had fences. Passengers of both our rented cars refused point blank even to look into unfenced abysses, to say nothing of taking pictures. But when you finally arrive at a church or monastery tucked away in the mountains, your prayer becomes sincere. I saw people with pale faces, mostly Russian tourists, who prayed long and earnestly, maybe for the first time in their life.

She'll be coming in a hot rod when she comes!

Montenegro is the Promised Land for those who love old cars. You can find all sorts of antiques there -- from Yugoslav cars to European brands produced when your grandparents were young and innocent. How do those rattletraps and clunkers move at all?! It beats me. We wanted to rent one, but then we started arguing. What if it falls apart somewhere in the mountains, and a museum exhibit will be lost forever? We felt responsible for the generation to come and, as an afterthought, rejected the idea and rented two disgustingly new cars.

Budva's Old City

In other ways, Budva (BOOD-va) is NOT like Sochi (SAW-chee). When you get tired of the sea and Russians all around you, go to the Old City. Every 100 meters stree travel agents offer you trips to Dubrovnik, Croatia. If you are too cheap to pay about 50-60 euros per person and/or are unwilling to ride for a couple of hours one way and then stand in line for 1-1.5 hours on the Croatian border, save your money and don't go. Instead, spend more time in Budva's Old City. Although the Old City in Dubrovnik (Dub-RAW-vnik) is bigger and better groomed, there are crowds of tourists there--because Europeans don't need visas to go to Croatia--and prices are way higher than in Budva.

Under the picture of the Budva fortress come two pictures of narrow streets, one taken in Budva and the other in Dubrovnik. Can you tell which is which? Well, I wouldn't if I didn't keep in different folders. You have one minute to make up your mind! 60 seconds to go... 55... 50...

Have you made up your mind about which picture is from which place? Ok. The answer is: it's just the opposite to what you think!!!

Ok, ok, just a little joke. If no one has messed with my computer, the second (middle) picture was taken in Budva, and the third (last) in Dubrovnik. What did I tell you? No difference. Go to Dubrovnik only if you want to grab a few overpriced souvenirs and come to the conclusion that you might as well have spent the day in Budva.

Budva is like Sochi

In many ways Budva (BOOD-va) resembles Sochi. More or less same climate, same palm trees, same sea that could be warmer, same service that could be better, same prices that could be cheaper, and same Russians all around you. To cut it short, Budva is a nice little place.

Hotels normally wouldn't have their own beaches. There's one big city beach, which is clean, but if you come after 10 am it won't be easy to find enough space for your towel and yourself. A beach bed will cost you about 1 or 2 euros, and beach umbrellas are free, though not really necessary. Not in Budva. The climate in Budva is mild, and there's a lot of shadow around. There's no sticky sweaty heat as, say, in Turkey. Short occasional rains come as a fringe benefit. The sea is clean, but if you are flat-footed you may find it unpleasant to get into the sea because of pebbles. Urchins live rather far from the beach and don't bother you until you bother them.

You may like this one. You don't need a travel agent to go to Montenegro! You can just go online and find an apartment to rent for as long as you wish (a 2-room apartment will cost about 50 euros per 24 hours, and if a greedy landlord or landlady wants more negotiate like crazy), buy a ticket for a regular flight (you don't need a charter), and get a visa right at the airport. And you don't have to speak any other world language but Russian! It's like you go to Sochi!

Montenegro

Montenegro translates as Mount Black, or--I wouldn't like it to sound as if it were Old Anguisch or Muddle English--Black Mountain. In the local language it sounds like Cherno-GORE-ia.

The spoken language is Serbo-Croatian. I assert it as a linguist. But if you aren't a linguist and/or you don't want local people to go after you with baseball bats, in Serbia you must say the language is Serbian, and in Croatia Croatian. Some national firebrands suggest that in Montenegro they speak Montenegrin. (What a black grin of destiny!) It's the same language, really. However, Serbs write in Cyrillic, while Croats and Montenegrins write in Latin.

The local currency is--you wouldn't believe it--euro. Some officials in the European Community decided to punish Serbs for being Serbs by leaving Serbia without the sea. They skillfully goaded Montenegrins into seeking independence from the union with Serbia. Although people on both sides feel like twin brothers separated at birth, Montenegrins feel proud to have euro as their national currency, all the more so because the neighboring Croatia has its own local currency no one knows or cares about.

The capital is Podgorica - Pod-GORE-itsa. There is some taste of gore in both, the name of the country and its capital, don't you think? It could be explained by their history, I suppose. Podgoritca literally means Under-mountain-itsa. We traveled all around the country. Every town and village their is a Podgoritsa, because it will inevitably and comfortably be located under a mountain.

Budapest is an English-friendly city

Luckily, Budapest is an English-friendly city. Whenever you stop on a street with a map in your hands, someone will ask you if you speak English and if he/she can help you.

This Hungarian friendliness is especially helpful in public transport. Before you use it, find out how you pay for the fare.

If you want to go by street car, buy a ticket in a booth. If you want to go by subway, make sure you know how far you go. If you meet an old friend or the love of your life, chat with him/her and get off at a wrong station, you may get into trouble. There are no barriers in the subway when you go in or out. You just get your ticket punched. God help you if you go further than planned and meet a ticket inspector. If I were you, I'd just walk!

I thought I knew traffic signs

I took my driving test in 1992. Since then no accidents -- touch wood! I somehow imagined I knew traffic signs. Until Budapest, that is. Here is a poser for you: what on earth do these traffic signs mean?

The first one (vertical photo) apparently says: No junk car shall be anchored, even upside down, especially those manufactured before WWII. Junk yard is a 100 meters upstream, if you can make it.

The lower one is even more forward-looking: No burning automobiles are welcome. Come to think of it, NO automobiles are welcome.